A JOURNEY WITH A PEN

It feels my writing capabilities are under threat whenever I fail to produce fresh material for my blog. Contrary to what one may believe, the ideas are always flowing, except they may end up in conversations or simply being run pass the mind. Knowing I am yet to write a book, the idea of not writing threatens the sh_t out of me. A lot of times I feel I should already be having more than one book on shelf.

A lot had been happening in my life in the past eighteen months or so. All of which didn’t cut it to my blog. Though I may not be literally writing on my personal life, all of my writings are reflections or lessons from my own life. If one look closely to them they could eventually see through me. That’s the life of a writer in a nutshell. Their writings will always tell you a lot about them.

And so… here we are. Rejourneying through the lessons and reflections of a commoner who shares a piece of his own life with a tool we have been accustomed to call a pen… or rather blog. Through these writings I hope you can reflect on your very own experiences and try to make the best of them, pardon yourself where you might have imagined to be your worst, perceive life’s shortcomings before they come to pass and make the best of the moment we call now. It’s the realest thing to ever exist.

FRIENDS WITH WHAT?!

Why on earth would the two choose to remain ‘just friends,’ and still want to reap the benefits of dating? The best place to start answering this question, before we explore alternative answers, is me… Yes, I’ve had such. So let’s dip in.

Why did I have a friend with benefits again? Well, I was probably testing the waters like every guy would do. Boom, I got lucky. And then it happened again, and again, and again with the same person. So why did I have a friend with benefits? Accidentally.

We are the boys, we’d always want the cookie, even if we don’t really want it. But somehow we just do, so if she’s willing, why not. Boys don’t just want to sleep with you, but they are actively trying to. So if you are willing to give it up, they’ll get it.

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When it comes to sex, the first option is bargain. “What’s the least I can give up to get it with her?” The boy would ask himself. We know the best we could give up to get sex is the ring. But come oooon… Can’t we just? So the boys are always looking for a way around getting the cookie without giving up the ring, and the lesser we give up, the better.

Rest assured, the ‘friends with benefits concept really came up with a guy. It might just be the same concepts that inspired prostitution. This might have happened during the bargain negotiation. Eventually women figured, they could give up the cookie at a ‘price tag.’

So, again; Why do people want to be friends with benefits? The answers could be,

                               I.            Perfect Accident

Men are forever actively trying to get it. If she’s willing, he’ll go as far as she allows him to. It’s not personal to him, it’s just sex.

                             II.            Bargain power to detach strings

During the bargaining process, he was able to convince her to give up the cookie in exchange for nothing. Men are forever bargaining for cheap sex, they can always friendship for such benefits.

                          III.            Gratification

To feed the sex drive. We all have that, sometimes we just want to get, both guys and girls. The only thing is, it’s both scientifically and biblically proven that too much sex affect girls more than guys. We all don’t know what happened to the guy who slept with the woman who was handed to Jesus to be stoned to death, nobody knows where the guy disappeared to.

                         IV.            To compensate yourself for being single

People who’ve grasp some benefits of being single, but who still want to feed their sex drive are likely to opt for friends with benefits too. These people hates the burden that comes with having someone in your life, but also want to enjoy the pleasure that comes with having someone by your side.

                            V.            Settle for less

Well, for technical reasons there’s people you just cannot be with, but you love them enough to get it with them. Thus, friends with benefits

                         VI.            To explore variety

Well, both guys and girls come in different shapes, sizes and packages. The thrill of knowing you only live once and you can’t have all the variety to yourself could get you naughty. Curiosity is a dangerous thing. So to if one finds themselves curious on what the other has to offer in bed, they could settle for friends with benefits.

Final words:

If you ever find yourself in such, be sure to remember this is the game of taking from someone, and not giving. So when the time to go separate ways finally arrives, you don’t feel like it’s been taken from you. It’s important that you are both on the same mind when you play this sex game. And be ready to suffer the setbacks that comes with it, like falling for someone who is just in it for the fun of it. And don’t you ever do it to try and hook someone into a relationship. That’s formula for disaster.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, MABHEBEZA!

Love is a beautiful thing, and by saying that I ain’t buying no face or favors. I love couples who love holding on to their partners, because that’s the only way you could make it work (If it’s meant to work).

The state of break-ups amongst the milk-toothed relationships is quite frightening. What’s is really scary, especially within the black community, is how we often break-up when there is a new life involved. Wait a minute! How did we get this far in the first place? Who cares, the milk is spilt already, what’s the use of crying over it.

Even so, I still feel we miss our priorities hell a lot of times. Sweety… Priorities isn’t a list of things enlisted in the first page of your diary, nope. Priorities is the chain of acts… I’d love to be making some sense but I sense I’m not. Point is, priorities are to be acted upon, not just written down and decorated. If something matters that much to you, it should show.

I don’t know how you’ve nailed priorities in your diary, but from your chain of acts it appears your sequence is quite absurd. Your Facebook status was sounding a lot like we might be hearing the wedding bells quite soon, but before we know, it’s all over. And so we conclude, your expectations of your three-month old relationship were much unreasonable.

Believe you me, there is more to cling-on in life than just your partner in love. How about you secure that qualification, get that paper and then find some compatible companion to chow it with. I am not saying stop it with umjolo (Dating). But juggle it a little down in your priorities. There is a lot to get right before trying to get it right. First things first ma se kend. Keep your loved one close, but your goals even closer.

MEET THE BEAST IN ALL MEN

I feel strongly for the young lady who came up with the notorious saying "men are dogs." She is not such different from the women who still reverberate these words at this day and age. One common thread that connects all these women is the tragedy of an encounter they had with 'Mr Wrong' at the crossroads of life.

I am a man and I understand my fellows, the so-called Mr Wrong. On behalf of all men, I must confess there was a great degree of truth in the statement, 'all men are dogs.' However, ladies should note, altering this statement to "there is a dog in every men" could elevate this statement into a higher degree of truth. And today I want every lady to meet this dog.

The dog in every men is honest, he wants nothing but the meat and he can do all possible to get it. He cares about no one else but the owner, his actions only honour the wish of the hand that feeds him, and he will bark at every bitch that comes any closer to his master.

Today I want to reveal one thing about the dog in every men. He is the one you are dating, until this man meets the right one. Basically every lady that's rolling with Mr Wrong is dating the beast in him. I know it's really fun rolling with Mr Wrong, until he walks away. Quite often this is the time where you notice the tail between his legs that you recall "all men are dogs." While the reality is, you were dating the dog in him.

Many women want a man who'll change for them. Let me tell you a secret, he'll never change for no one. Men don't change. You might think he'll change simply because he's shown some great character in him. Often it is you that notice such characters about him and you friends just don't get it. That's the signal telling you every men is a good man, except that you are not dating the guy but the beast in him. And that beast you are dating will never change; not for you, not for Boity. The only thing that will happen is, the day he meets 'the one,' the dog will take the back seat and he'll take the driver seat. The good thing is, he might meet the one in you, and in that case also, the dog will will move back and he'll take charge. The bad news is, I can't guarantee he'll do that for you.

What does this mean for you ladies? Keep calm and play safe. Never give out too much to the extent of feeling like it's been taken away from you. Don't give him what he hasn't earned. Only give to him what's due to him. Let him earn his dues. You do this so the day you discover you've been dating a dog, you'll know it's game over, the game has been good and you only compensated a player with what was due to him, and you lost nothing in the process, or at least you feel like that.