MEET THE BEAST IN ALL MEN

I feel strongly for the young lady who came up with the notorious saying "men are dogs." She is not such different from the women who still reverberate these words at this day and age. One common thread that connects all these women is the tragedy of an encounter they had with 'Mr Wrong' at the crossroads of life.

I am a man and I understand my fellows, the so-called Mr Wrong. On behalf of all men, I must confess there was a great degree of truth in the statement, 'all men are dogs.' However, ladies should note, altering this statement to "there is a dog in every men" could elevate this statement into a higher degree of truth. And today I want every lady to meet this dog.

The dog in every men is honest, he wants nothing but the meat and he can do all possible to get it. He cares about no one else but the owner, his actions only honour the wish of the hand that feeds him, and he will bark at every bitch that comes any closer to his master.

Today I want to reveal one thing about the dog in every men. He is the one you are dating, until this man meets the right one. Basically every lady that's rolling with Mr Wrong is dating the beast in him. I know it's really fun rolling with Mr Wrong, until he walks away. Quite often this is the time where you notice the tail between his legs that you recall "all men are dogs." While the reality is, you were dating the dog in him.

Many women want a man who'll change for them. Let me tell you a secret, he'll never change for no one. Men don't change. You might think he'll change simply because he's shown some great character in him. Often it is you that notice such characters about him and you friends just don't get it. That's the signal telling you every men is a good man, except that you are not dating the guy but the beast in him. And that beast you are dating will never change; not for you, not for Boity. The only thing that will happen is, the day he meets 'the one,' the dog will take the back seat and he'll take the driver seat. The good thing is, he might meet the one in you, and in that case also, the dog will will move back and he'll take charge. The bad news is, I can't guarantee he'll do that for you.

What does this mean for you ladies? Keep calm and play safe. Never give out too much to the extent of feeling like it's been taken away from you. Don't give him what he hasn't earned. Only give to him what's due to him. Let him earn his dues. You do this so the day you discover you've been dating a dog, you'll know it's game over, the game has been good and you only compensated a player with what was due to him, and you lost nothing in the process, or at least you feel like that.

REESTABLISHING THE DATING RITUALS #01

Everything changes with time, and quite often it becomes difficult to reinstate correctional measures once changes has taken effect. Especially if people cannot observe these effects.

With the previous posts in the Absolute Treasure box, the feedback suggested there has been magnificent changes in the way in which people view dating. And the observed changes are rather troubling than exciting.

There is an urgent need to reestablish the former ways of viewing dating in the 21st Century. While civilisation brought magnificent improvements in the quality of life, the quality of dating has been deteriorating with time. The reports on divorce ratings and the unwillingness to even get married amongst adults are the byproducts of alterations in the dating rituals.

GOING OUT ON A DATE

In it purest form, dating is about meeting and getting to know someone. It's enhancing ones chances to meet a special somebody. It's about making her to feel special and demonstrating your ability and willingness to make her happy. Yes, dates are meant to be romantic and quite often, they are a way of demonstrating a man's interest in a particular lady.

A guy would take you to a date so determime the possibility of a relationship. So the ritual of dating does not have to always lead to a long-term relationship. And until then, there shouldn't be so much strings attached. It is absolutely owk to meet someone, get to know them, even make them happy and happily move on if you know they not the one you'd want to pursue a long-term relationship with.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

If the initial attraction seems to be extending beyond just the initial few dates, this could suggest the intensity of the attraction and the possibility is, there might be 'something' in the air. In this case, there is a need to open a room to nurture what seems to be growing inside of you and this is achieved through getting to know each other and further opening the gates of romance in the newly found relationship.

SKELETONS IN YOUR CLOSET

It is at this point where one needs to remember if there is any committment in terms of previous or rather side relationships. It would be difficult to build a new relationship when you have someone who still has a claim on you. Many potentially good relationships die out simply because people embrace their newly found relationship without resolving issues with previous partners. On the next article we will discuss the necessity of ending a relationship on a positive note.

Keep in touch, find the share button below, spread the news about this blog and don't forget to have your say on the comment section below. Let's build healthy love lives together and for those of us who are still single, let nurture ourselves with knowledge to when we finally cross that line, we'll kick asses in relationships.

HE'S NOT A PLAYER... HE'S ACTUALLY LOOKIN'

Good people, love is not a meal that you should browse it on the menu. Nope! Give the guy a break, he's not a player. He's looking and he hasn't found. So it's only logical that he keeps jumping from one "relationship" to the next. If you want to settle down on the first or second stop. That's your business, not his. Well, the same could apply to ladies.

For the same reasons mentioned above, neither is she a bitch. Why do you always have to judge people without really knowing what they want. A life partner is not something one could just discern from distance. It calls for closer. And sometimes it takes giving the relationship a chance to discern whether your partner is a keep or not. And should you learn that he/she is not the one, what should you do? Hang yourself? Hell no. You simply move on.

Have you noticed how quick Heartbreakers move into the next and seemingly better relationship? Could you possibly be wondering why? They are not guilty it didn't work out, but rather grateful they gave it their best shot and while doing so, enjoyed the ride. Even better, along the process they might have learned a lot about themselves and also the opposite sex.

Our social norms have programmed us to believe that it is immoral to get in a relationship and walk out as your heart commands. They have made social practises to be binding. They have taken the pleasure out of the dating ritual.

There is a phrase which is interchangeable with the word "dating." I think it explains this social practise in a simpler way. 'Seeing each other.' I love this phrase. I can imagine my friend asking me. "Tell me buddy, what's up between you and Lisa?" And I'll respond like... "We actually seeing each other." This phrase eliminates the strings off the dating game. It makes you realise dating is exactly that, "seeing each other."

I am not suggesting that relationships shouldn't grow into a level where people are sure of each other. In fact I am pro that. For it is such relationships that give birth to healthy marriages and happy families. Here, I am only justifying a fellow who realise six month to a year down the line that, 'I didn't sign up for this.' And then decides to explore his alternatives. Buddy, he is not a player, she is not a bitch. She has every right to move on and see someone else, as long as she is comfortable with it.

I wish not to extend this into talking about the sexual side of moving relationship to relationship. But, we might be talking about that rather sooner than later. Check out my profile and be sure to keep in touch. Especially through Facebook. And do have your say on the comment slot below.

Love y'all

10 REASONS TO SETTLE FOR A FRIEND ZONE :-p

I often wonder, why guys are so against staying in the friend zone. Well honestly gents, the fact that she's allowed you to go as far as being friend, she's given you the wicked opportunity to sweep her off her feet. All you need to do is play your cards right and before you know, she's right on your arms.

Here are 10 ways you can help her realise you are all she could ever ask for in a relationship:

1. Women love being served

Rather often than less, a lady would undertake an activity which require man power. Be sure to make yourself available at such times. Let her watch you undertake it with ease, and smilefully. It very easy to make yourself available and if you already have her digits, you are one step ahead. Randomly call her in the morning. Make it friendly. She should know whatever manly help she needs, you are a phone call away. You don't havehave to say it. Your friendly attitude towards her is enough to do the trick.

2. Be cool with "Just being friends."

Girls have a tends to be inferior if they know you are not sexually attracted to them. She'll start looking at herself in the mirror and be like, "Why doesn't he want more? Why is he cool with being just friends." Tell her she's an amazing girl and offer to introduce her to your "cool" friends. If she agrees, only introduce her to the douchebags. When they mess up, apologise later on for their "hostility."

3. Introduce her to your 'other' female friends.

Stick to the ones who really like you. Hug them right in front of her. Tell her you like them, 'It just that they are not your type.' Be confident. Tell her about the type of woman you'll like to be with. Throw in a few of her qualities to the list of all qualities you look for in a women. Be all bubbly about it. Put in some emotions. Girls love emotional people, just don't overdo it.

4. Tell her about your one favourite ex.

Tell her about all the things you liked about her. Tell her about one bad thing that caused you to break up. Even if there were a thousand reasons, just mention only one. She should know that if it wasn't for that reason you'd still be together. Woman love a man who can commit. And oh... Don't forget to mention you are currently not looking, 'You'd rather surround yourself with cheerful buddies like her.'

5. Hangout on romantic places.

Girls like parks, beaches, restaurants, libraries (Yes, libraries) and social events. Introduce her to everybody you know as "My good friend, Nonhle." And be sure to touch her each time you do. When you are around people, hangout with her a lot of time. If you get complements like "Nice pair," Don't explain yourself, be cheerful and take them. If the world think you can make a great couple, soon she'll think so too.

6. Be the guy who makes her talk if she's not OK.

Even if you don't have a solution to her problems. Give her the shoulder to cry on. Even if she can't tell you what's wrong, stick around, make her laugh, be sympathetic and cheer her up at the same time. Stick around for an extended period and be sure to make it worth the while. Ladies love a man who cares about their feelings. You don't always have to have solutions, as long as you understand, she's happy.

7. Use "traditional" communication channels.

Instead of WhatsApp; use SMS. Give her a call and tell her you'll send a "Please Call Me" when you are at her doorsteps. Woman respect effort, make some. Formulate your own communication routines.

8. If you'll be away, tell her in advance.

While you are away, make her know you'll be busy and will not be communicating extensively. Cut down on social media. Send her a couple of SMSes while you are away. Tell her you'll come back at a later date, and then show up to her place sooner and unexpectedly. Don't communicate a day before you come back. On arrival in the neighbourhood, she should be the first person you visit. Don't call, go straight to her house and knock at the door. When you see her, be sure to give her a hug.

9. Buy her something she really likes.

It should be something she never really considered buying. It should be small and inexpensive, don't go bankrupt just to put a smile on her face. Remember it's the thought that counts. If she likes printed Tee's and her favourite colour is pink, consider the latest Ama-Kip Kip T-shirt. Even if it never crossed her mind she'd want to buy it. The fact that you know (I) She likes 'printed' and (II) her favourite colour is pink, makes you a genuinely caring guy to her.

10. And finally;

Always look out for that one moment when she'd be deadly in love with you, emotionally paralysed, and seemingly ready to give in. Take her down with some bad romance and the rest will be history. NB: Before you shoot for a French kiss, you might have tried a baby kiss at least twice and got lucky.

Brother, you've just been promoted from a guy on the friend zone to a boyfriend. It's not rocket sciences... It's street social sciences.

DON'T SHOOT THE SIDECHICK!

Well... There is tons of answers to this question: We go out and meet girls who sweep us off our feet. We meet woman we'd like to explore. We bump into girls who make us feel good about ourselves. We are surrounded by woman who think they hard-to-get. We know egoistic girls who got to know "who is the man." And quite frankly, we find ourselves in situations where bitches want to give us the cookie, that's like "payment" without working. But there should be a fundamental reason why we niggers cheat... Should I break it down? 

 A single guy could meet a girl whom he "thinks" is a woman of his life. He would initially brush that idea off and "still" pursue the innocent young lady. Go out with her, and whatever happens after that is beyond the scope of this article. The point I am making here is; boys hardly know if they really want to pursue a relationship, nevertheless they are always willing to give it a shot, thus the concept "fell in love" was born. To guys, love is nothing like a new job. It's not something we just walk into and boom, "meet your fiancé." Nope. Initially we just having fun, and then we realise there is something more than just a cookie in that jar. We don't walk into love, we just want to impress the young lady and oops... We've fallen. 

 Men love standards, in fact Steve Harvey suggest that "Men respect standards: Get Some," in his book: ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN. Standards don't only attract us to a woman, they keep us going, wanting more, and most importantly: Having the fear of losing out (or should we call it FOLO or maybe FOLOUT). There is nothing that draws a guy closer than that fear to his woman. It's the same as fear of going to hell to the majority of believers. Here we are not talking about cheating, don't get it twisted. Cheating could be a once of event, like a one night stand. We not talking about friends with benefits, which could extend for a period of time and also could be labeled as cheating. We are talking about having a consistent and ongoing relationship with a so called: sidechick. 

 Sidechicks are not a yesterday thing. They are the same reason our forefathers practised polygamy (or rather isithembu). Sidechicks are here to stay. King Solomon had those. They are not much of a burden to men, but a headache to girls. Good news girls is, the situation can be controlled. You don't have to save the world, you are not Jesus sweetheart. You can only save yourself. Here is how: 

 1. Take Steve's advise and get some standards. Your boyfriend love them. 

 2. Be hard to get and easy to please. Let him chase you. Give him hope that he will get you, but don't make it easy for him. 

 3. Don't call him, let him call you. Don't take him on a date, let him take you there. Don't pay for your dinner, give him an opportunity to know what it feels like being a provider. 

 4. Appreciate his effort, be receptive to his generosity, his complement. 

 5. Don't call him (in the first days, especially after the date), he will call you. But if you do call; just say "thanks for the other day, I really liked the movie." Or whatever he did for you. Please don't talk about feelings. 

 6. Don't give up your plans just to accommodate him. He need to know that you have a life. 

 7. Put yourself first. In fact, get your priorities right. You have a job maybe, a career, studies. Put those first. It also part of having some standards. 

 8. Have the ability to say no. Don't be harsh on him. Just be reasonable. If he ask for unreasonable favours, just say "I would have loved to but... "And give them an excuse. Tell him what you'll be doing. 

9. Don't give him the cookie too soon. If he get it on the second date. He knows a lot of guys have had it. It doesn't worth his commitment. You'll never believe how guys are always looking a reason not to commit. 

 10. Keep the fire burning. Never forget what attracted him to you in the first place. A year down the line. He still want the same gorgeous, inquisitive, mentally stimulating, and success driven Nonhle that hooked him in the first days. 

 11. Focus on yourself. I can never overemphasise the importance of this point. Men are attracted to woman who love themselves more than anything in the world. Never put him first in your life, and you'll keep him coming for more. 

 12. Make it clear you are not afraid of losing him, BUT: No noise. Guys hate noise. Especially coming from a woman that they like. Walk the walk. If he undermines you in anyway (including seeing a sidechick). Walk away, don't call. Let him make effort, hunt you down until he finds you. Feel up your time. Hangout with girlfriends and try and avoid talking about him. And when you eventually forgive him. Give him few and concise conditions. And please, do not remind him of his past mistake each time he forgets fetching you at the bus stop. 

My friend. If you think this through and adjust your relationship such that he never undermines you. Sidechicks are the thing of the past. And if he insist on those, never be afraid to walk away, he doesn't worth it. Give your life to someone who can handle it. Don't talk to much, don't shoot the sidechick; just walk away.

ABSOLUTE MISUNDERSTANDINGS (LOVE STORY)

I always had female friends. I loved them. My friends always thought I wasn't lucky with the girls. As for me, It wasn't necessarily a challenge. I always thought of love as a natural phenomenon. Something that happens without being initiated. There is no better word to define this but CHEMISTRY.

I never approached any of my girls, I discovered them. I didn't pursue them, I gave them the room to get used to the idea of us being together. Falling in love was always an adventure... Oh, how I loved each event that led to the next.

I still love every chick I ever dated. I still cheer each time I see each one of them. The feeling haven't changed, and I think that's how the concept of moving on was born. I live it everyday. For I never stopped loving Thobile, Noxolo, Khanyi Willem, and Sbuicy... I only moved on.

Funny how Nomzamo is only my fifth girlfriend. Don't ask me about Yummygal or Naturale... I met those on MXit and I only kissed them through the phone #SouljaBoy.

I love girls. I value girls. I apprecite girls. I like making my feelings known. I hate hidding feelings. There is no significant relationship between how I feel and being in a romantic relationship. I believe that's where I'm commonly being misunderstood.

My adoptation of your concept of love is the only reason I nod when I'm being called #BadBoyDee. Otherwise, I don't know what the fuss is wrong with my concept of loving girls without opting for a relationship. Even more weird considering how hardly I throw my dick around.

Yours truly

DIYO SOKHELA (SIYABONGA)
+27 74 911 4054