Thursday, August 27, 2015

WHAT WENT RIGHT?

For one reason or the other, daily we witness the end of relationships. Though it might sound like a tragedy,  it won't take long before you realise It's part of the thousand miles journey to happily-ever-after. Usually it's girls who mourn of being heartbroken. And yes, every gentlemen would love to come to rescue, sadly it's easier said than done. One way to reduce the effects of a heartbreak is to change how we view them. It doesn't always have to be a bitter end.

PART OF THE PROCESS

Having shared a part of you with someone is bound to lead to some form of attachment. Irrespective of whether is was a smooth or a rough sailing. So when you finally have to hit the road, sadness and tears is likely to be the part of the process. Even so, we still owe it to ourselves and our future partners to workout the break-up thoroughly and walk out of a relationship positively and without quarrel. Walking out of a relationship with a brokenheart is totally fine, but anger and in forgiveness are burdens you can do without. Even if you choose to carry those baggages with you, they are sure to cause you more harm than good on your next stop.

Walking out of a relationship calls for doing something you might have less likely given a thought and there is a chain of good reasons you should do it; celebrating the good you shared. You have tones of good things to celebrate and you certainly know it. Most couples get caught up on the blaming game and they end up robbing each other of the necessary feedback at the end of a relationship, 'What went right?'

FOCUS ON WHAT WENT RIGHT!

Knowing things you did right at the end of a relationship is the gold mine for the success with your next partner. It will help you decide what to settle for in your next relationship. It is also a pointer for pitfalls you should avoid. Your previous relationship helps you find a better suitable partner. But this can only be achieved if you were smart enough to learn from your past relationship(s).

Irrespective of why relationship could fail. There is something of great importance one could do at the end of a relationship, which could aid in leading them to a better relationship than the previous. That is discerning things you liked about your previous relationship from those you didn't. While it is necessary to note things that didn't walk for you in your past relationship, it is much important to focus more on those you liked, it is such qualities that will navigate you to your next partner.

TELLING LIKES FROM DISLIKES

When it comes to relationships, we all have preferences. We can tell what we like from what we hate. What we can handle from what we can't take. What we can tolerate from what we can't stand. As you move from one relationship to the next. The picture of your ideal partner keeps getting vivid. And the clearer the picture, the closer you get into bumping into your perfect match. Your soul mate.

HOWEVER, there is a trick. If you keep putting the blame entirely on your partner, and tell yourself your previous relationship was absolute crab. You lessen the possibilities of being able to recognise the qualities you look for in a companion. It is never a good idea to only remember bad things about your previous partner and this happens when we choose to end a relationship on a negative note.

TAKE THE PORTION OF THE BLAME

Ending a relationship with a positive note calls for recognising that it didn't work out and refrain from putting the blame entirely on one part. Though at times it might appear as if only one part is guilty of causing a relationship to fail, everyone does contribute to the failure, even if you can't really determine how.

So, instead of being mad to one another, be grateful you met, shared something special, groomed each other mentally, physically and emotionally and had a chance to be with one another. Relationships are beautiful, meaningful and purposeful. We do not always have to push them to eternity. There is a reason why the lights are always brighter across the river.

AND FINALLY...

If the relationship hits the rocky shore. Don't be mad. Learn a lesson, remind yourself of what you liked about your partner, get a more vivid picture of what you'd be looking forward to on your next partner. Just by doing that, the chances of meeting a compatible companion increases magnificently. The journey to meeting your soulmate consists of trials and errors, embrace them.

Monday, August 24, 2015

REESTABLISHING THE DATING RITUALS #01

Everything changes with time, and quite often it becomes difficult to reinstate correctional measures once changes has taken effect. Especially if people cannot observe these effects.

With the previous posts in the Absolute Treasure box, the feedback suggested there has been magnificent changes in the way in which people view dating. And the observed changes are rather troubling than exciting.

There is an urgent need to reestablish the former ways of viewing dating in the 21st Century. While civilisation brought magnificent improvements in the quality of life, the quality of dating has been deteriorating with time. The reports on divorce ratings and the unwillingness to even get married amongst adults are the byproducts of alterations in the dating rituals.

GOING OUT ON A DATE

In it purest form, dating is about meeting and getting to know someone. It's enhancing ones chances to meet a special somebody. It's about making her to feel special and demonstrating your ability and willingness to make her happy. Yes, dates are meant to be romantic and quite often, they are a way of demonstrating a man's interest in a particular lady.

A guy would take you to a date so determime the possibility of a relationship. So the ritual of dating does not have to always lead to a long-term relationship. And until then, there shouldn't be so much strings attached. It is absolutely owk to meet someone, get to know them, even make them happy and happily move on if you know they not the one you'd want to pursue a long-term relationship with.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

If the initial attraction seems to be extending beyond just the initial few dates, this could suggest the intensity of the attraction and the possibility is, there might be 'something' in the air. In this case, there is a need to open a room to nurture what seems to be growing inside of you and this is achieved through getting to know each other and further opening the gates of romance in the newly found relationship.

SKELETONS IN YOUR CLOSET

It is at this point where one needs to remember if there is any committment in terms of previous or rather side relationships. It would be difficult to build a new relationship when you have someone who still has a claim on you. Many potentially good relationships die out simply because people embrace their newly found relationship without resolving issues with previous partners. On the next article we will discuss the necessity of ending a relationship on a positive note.

Keep in touch, find the share button below, spread the news about this blog and don't forget to have your say on the comment section below. Let's build healthy love lives together and for those of us who are still single, let nurture ourselves with knowledge to when we finally cross that line, we'll kick asses in relationships.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

HE'S NOT A PLAYER... HE'S ACTUALLY LOOKIN'

Good people, love is not a meal that you should browse it on the menu. Nope! Give the guy a break, he's not a player. He's looking and he hasn't found. So it's only logical that he keeps jumping from one "relationship" to the next. If you want to settle down on the first or second stop. That's your business, not his. Well, the same could apply to ladies.

For the same reasons mentioned above, neither is she a bitch. Why do you always have to judge people without really knowing what they want. A life partner is not something one could just discern from distance. It calls for closer. And sometimes it takes giving the relationship a chance to discern whether your partner is a keep or not. And should you learn that he/she is not the one, what should you do? Hang yourself? Hell no. You simply move on.

Have you noticed how quick Heartbreakers move into the next and seemingly better relationship? Could you possibly be wondering why? They are not guilty it didn't work out, but rather grateful they gave it their best shot and while doing so, enjoyed the ride. Even better, along the process they might have learned a lot about themselves and also the opposite sex.

Our social norms have programmed us to believe that it is immoral to get in a relationship and walk out as your heart commands. They have made social practises to be binding. They have taken the pleasure out of the dating ritual.

There is a phrase which is interchangeable with the word "dating." I think it explains this social practise in a simpler way. 'Seeing each other.' I love this phrase. I can imagine my friend asking me. "Tell me buddy, what's up between you and Lisa?" And I'll respond like... "We actually seeing each other." This phrase eliminates the strings off the dating game. It makes you realise dating is exactly that, "seeing each other."

I am not suggesting that relationships shouldn't grow into a level where people are sure of each other. In fact I am pro that. For it is such relationships that give birth to healthy marriages and happy families. Here, I am only justifying a fellow who realise six month to a year down the line that, 'I didn't sign up for this.' And then decides to explore his alternatives. Buddy, he is not a player, she is not a bitch. She has every right to move on and see someone else, as long as she is comfortable with it.

I wish not to extend this into talking about the sexual side of moving relationship to relationship. But, we might be talking about that rather sooner than later. Check out my profile and be sure to keep in touch. Especially through Facebook. And do have your say on the comment slot below.

Love y'all

Monday, August 17, 2015

10 REASONS TO SETTLE FOR A FRIEND ZONE :-p

I often wonder, why guys are so against staying in the friend zone. Well honestly gents, the fact that she's allowed you to go as far as being friend, she's given you the wicked opportunity to sweep her off her feet. All you need to do is play your cards right and before you know, she's right on your arms.

Here are 10 ways you can help her realise you are all she could ever ask for in a relationship:

1. Women love being served

Rather often than less, a lady would undertake an activity which require man power. Be sure to make yourself available at such times. Let her watch you undertake it with ease, and smilefully. It very easy to make yourself available and if you already have her digits, you are one step ahead. Randomly call her in the morning. Make it friendly. She should know whatever manly help she needs, you are a phone call away. You don't havehave to say it. Your friendly attitude towards her is enough to do the trick.

2. Be cool with "Just being friends."

Girls have a tends to be inferior if they know you are not sexually attracted to them. She'll start looking at herself in the mirror and be like, "Why doesn't he want more? Why is he cool with being just friends." Tell her she's an amazing girl and offer to introduce her to your "cool" friends. If she agrees, only introduce her to the douchebags. When they mess up, apologise later on for their "hostility."

3. Introduce her to your 'other' female friends.

Stick to the ones who really like you. Hug them right in front of her. Tell her you like them, 'It just that they are not your type.' Be confident. Tell her about the type of woman you'll like to be with. Throw in a few of her qualities to the list of all qualities you look for in a women. Be all bubbly about it. Put in some emotions. Girls love emotional people, just don't overdo it.

4. Tell her about your one favourite ex.

Tell her about all the things you liked about her. Tell her about one bad thing that caused you to break up. Even if there were a thousand reasons, just mention only one. She should know that if it wasn't for that reason you'd still be together. Woman love a man who can commit. And oh... Don't forget to mention you are currently not looking, 'You'd rather surround yourself with cheerful buddies like her.'

5. Hangout on romantic places.

Girls like parks, beaches, restaurants, libraries (Yes, libraries) and social events. Introduce her to everybody you know as "My good friend, Nonhle." And be sure to touch her each time you do. When you are around people, hangout with her a lot of time. If you get complements like "Nice pair," Don't explain yourself, be cheerful and take them. If the world think you can make a great couple, soon she'll think so too.

6. Be the guy who makes her talk if she's not OK.

Even if you don't have a solution to her problems. Give her the shoulder to cry on. Even if she can't tell you what's wrong, stick around, make her laugh, be sympathetic and cheer her up at the same time. Stick around for an extended period and be sure to make it worth the while. Ladies love a man who cares about their feelings. You don't always have to have solutions, as long as you understand, she's happy.

7. Use "traditional" communication channels.

Instead of WhatsApp; use SMS. Give her a call and tell her you'll send a "Please Call Me" when you are at her doorsteps. Woman respect effort, make some. Formulate your own communication routines.

8. If you'll be away, tell her in advance.

While you are away, make her know you'll be busy and will not be communicating extensively. Cut down on social media. Send her a couple of SMSes while you are away. Tell her you'll come back at a later date, and then show up to her place sooner and unexpectedly. Don't communicate a day before you come back. On arrival in the neighbourhood, she should be the first person you visit. Don't call, go straight to her house and knock at the door. When you see her, be sure to give her a hug.

9. Buy her something she really likes.

It should be something she never really considered buying. It should be small and inexpensive, don't go bankrupt just to put a smile on her face. Remember it's the thought that counts. If she likes printed Tee's and her favourite colour is pink, consider the latest Ama-Kip Kip T-shirt. Even if it never crossed her mind she'd want to buy it. The fact that you know (I) She likes 'printed' and (II) her favourite colour is pink, makes you a genuinely caring guy to her.

10. And finally;

Always look out for that one moment when she'd be deadly in love with you, emotionally paralysed, and seemingly ready to give in. Take her down with some bad romance and the rest will be history. NB: Before you shoot for a French kiss, you might have tried a baby kiss at least twice and got lucky.

Brother, you've just been promoted from a guy on the friend zone to a boyfriend. It's not rocket sciences... It's street social sciences.